Here it is, spelled out (not entirely accurately) on a farmer’s Toyota in rural Japan—what every gay man in an expensive SUV is really trying to say.
Author: .
Featured Food – Yogurt
It’s always an adventure trying to figure out exactly what you’re buying in Japan. Modern packaging provides many visual clues, which is what I rely on most of the time.
Case in point: yogurt. Take a look at the picture above and tell me the yogurt on the left doesn’t look like the healthy version. This is no heavily-sweetened, high-fat “dessert” yogurt. That would have pastel berry colors and cute little animals buzzed up on sugar.
Plus, I can actually read the large katakana word here—it says “na-chu-re” (that would be “natural”). And there’s a little icon of a human jumping into the air, full of vim and vigor. Finally, there are some unknown additives presented in a style which says to me, “Good for you!”, and which I can only hope remain in the “nachure” realm.
Do you like how I’ve art directed this shot? I arranged all the healthiest foods in my fridge for a snapshot of wholesome eating. Let’s just hope I use that broccoli before it goes bad.
Let’s Look At Engrish!
Mangled English provides many an entertaining moment here in Japan, as noted recently. I’ve lost count of the t-shirts I’ve wanted to photograph (but never do for fear of the reputation I’d get as the foreigner who takes pictures of the backsides of young girls).
Tonight I stumbled upon a site that lets you enjoy “Engrish” from afar. Let’s enjoy the spirited feeling that rises from seeing Engrish.com.
I can only hope to mangle Japanese in such an unintentionally fabulous way some day.
Teaching English to the Undead
It was horrible. Three young, female zombies trooped into my classroom tonight and sat down, expecting me to teach them English. They couldn’t have been more than sixteen. By all outward appearances, they looked like a trio of Japanese pixies. Only their dead silence and eyelids that drooped to their knees exposed them for what they were.
Horrified though I was, I took a deep breath and decided to give it a try.
Today’s lesson: Give a speech about your morning. “I get up around 6:00.” (That’s something these zombies can relate to, I thought.) “I brush my teeth. After that, I eat breakfast.” Simple stuff. Or so I thought.
Thirty minutes in and we’re still on drills. Their insidious droning was a narcotic, and I had to fight to stay awake.
Me: “Repeat after me. ‘I get up around 6:00.'”
Them: “I………. get………. up……… around………. 6:00.”
Me: “Great! Excellent! Okay, again. Repeat after me: ‘I get up around 6:00.'”
Them: “I………. get………. up……… around………. 6:00.”
This went on and on and on and—you get the picture. Teaching English can be so exciting!
Butchered English 01
I saw this printed on an ashtray:
Ashtraies are coming up in a more fashionable and characteristic style now many different shapes—full of ideas it’s a spice to make your life more fashionable with good sense of living.
Wandering
I spent last weekend in Tokyo, with a side-trip down to Yokohama on Sunday to inspect and photograph a sailboat as a favor for a friend. I left Nagano Saturday mid-day as it was starting to snow. The weather in Tokyo, on the other hand, was excellent.
Saturday afternoon I wandered around Aoyama, where my grandparents lived in the 1930s. I found the neighborhood where they lived and tried to find their address (the house would have been long gone by now), but their actual address no longer exists.
Japanese addresses are notoriously hard to find. Cities are sub-divided into wards, then districts, then neighborhoods, then blocks, then non-sequential houses. There are no street addresses. Finding a specific place usually takes some wandering.
Bah Humbug
It’s early November, and Japan is already gearing up to celebrate the birth of Christ.
No, wait—that’s not right.
Try again.
It’s early November, and Japan is already gearing up to pray at the church of rampant consumerism.
Christian missionaries—my great-grandparents included—failed to sell Christ here (Japan’s Christians make up only one percent of the total population—good for them, I say), but the Japanese sure converted to capitalism with mind-boggling zeal. Even in the midst of a decade-long recession, shopping remains a favorite pastime, almost a religion unto itself. And modern-day Christmas fits right into the shop-till-you-drop ethos found here.
In Tokyo this past weekend, I saw a tree-lighting ceremony in Ginza. It was November 9! This is insane. Something needs to be done to stop the shopping juggernaut that is Christmas. At this rate, it’ll only be a decade or so before this increasingly inane holiday gobbles up the whole year.
Loora Toora Loo Rye Aye
This morning on KCRW, they played Come On Eileen by Dexy’s Midnight Runners. It’s one of those songs that brings back memories of the early days of MTV.
I remember watching the “Eileen” video many times. I was in high school and living in Denali National Park in Alaska at the time. This was before our small community had television reception, let alone cable. So our friends in a nearby town—which did get television and cable—would tape MTV on video and we’d watch that. Over and over. And over.
I Love Grapefruit Super Chu-Hi
For the Morning After
While standing in line at the grocery today, I noticed a new display of supplements with cool graphics. Each supplement is meant for boosting the body under different conditions, illustrated with the stick figures on the front of the packaging. Then my eye caught one in particular (above in the foreground). It seems there’s help for those who like to smoke and drink to excess. I don’t know what he’s saying, but I’m sure if he had a face there’d be a big smile on it.
P.S. Certain friends (who will remain nameless) should expect a case of these as a Christmas present this year.